The Diary of a Nobody
Charles Pooter

April 9.—Commenced the morning badly.  The butcher, whom we decided not to arrange with, called and blackguarded me in the most uncalled-for manner.  He began by abusing me, and saying he did not want my custom.  I simply said: “Then what are you making all this fuss about it for?”  And he shouted out at the top of his voice, so that all the neighbours could hear: “Pah! go along.  Ugh!  I could buy up ‘things’ like you by the dozen!”

I shut the door, and was giving Carrie to understand that this disgraceful scene was entirely her fault, when there was a violent kicking at the door, enough to break the panels.  It was the blackguard butcher again, who said he had cut his foot over the scraper, and would immediately bring an action against me.  Called at Farmerson’s, the ironmonger, on my way to town, and gave him the job of moving the scraper and repairing the bells, thinking it scarcely worth while to trouble the landlord with such a trifling matter.

Arrived home tired and worried.  Mr. Putley, a painter and decorator, who had sent in a card, said he could not match the colour on the stairs, as it contained Indian carmine.  He said he spent half-a-day calling at warehouses to see if he could get it.  He suggested he should entirely repaint the stairs.  It would cost very little more; if he tried to match it, he could only make a bad job of it.  It would be more satisfactory to him and to us to have the work done properly.  I consented, but felt I had been talked over.  Planted some mustard-and-cress and radishes, and went to bed at nine.


The Diary of a Nobody is the fictitious diary of Charles Pooter, written by George Grossmith and originally serialised in Punch magazine in 1888 and 1889.
The text of this version is taken from the Gutenberg etext, and the weblog format was engineered by Kevan Davis (initially a straight weblog in 2004, then rewritten as an auto RSS generator in April 2007).